11/18/10

Tomorrow is the start of the next cycle.  Yay!!  Received the meds and everything is all set.  We are keeping our spirits up.  It has helped that my mom has been here this week.  She always seems to know when I need her.  It has been really great having her here.  I wish she could stay!!

This is the time when the nerves start getting twisted.  Trying to keep in mind the % rate of success, basically keeping our minds and hearts here on earth.  We could sure use those prayers, the roller coaster is about to launch, again  :-) 

11/11/10

We went for the retrieval on Monday and one egg was taken.  Unfortunately the egg didn't fertilize and died.  After meeting with the doctor today, we are going right into the next cycle.  Yes, a let down, but given the odds, we want to keep trying.  The thought of donor eggs was discussed, however, decided to try one more time with mine.  Emotionally, it is rather difficult to take, but given my hard inner-self work, this is only a minor set back.  We will meet with the nurse next week, on the day my mom arrives, to schedule the new meds.  The doctor wants to do a more aggressive treatment, (Joe is bracing himself), HA!  Around the 22nd I will start the meds again, and thank the Goddess, it is more aggressive but also abbreviated.  YAY!

11/7/10

We went to the doctors office yesterday for another ultrasound and bloodwork.  Oh fun times!!  I have two follicles capable of producing eggs.  He will remove both follicles and try to get one or two of the smaller ones just in case.  Retrieval is scheduled for tomorrow (Monday) at 9:30.  Yippee!  We had to do the "trigger" shot last night/this morning at 1am.  I tried to remain half asleep until the needle was 2 inches into my posterior...  Ouch!  I will not get used to it....  It sounds really bad, I am looking forward to the retrieval process because I get a few hours of sedation with NO cramping, insomnia, upset stomach, bloating, headache, etc...  I get to SLEEP!!!  Of course, then it all comes back with a vengence.  Always look to the POSITIVE!!!
Now the question remains, do we transfer one or both.  Of course it is a very big decision.  I had dreams last night that we had twins and I couldn't tell them apart!  Isn't a mother supposed to know???  Also, impanting two, gives us better odds, however, if twins occur there is more of a chance of low birth weight and premature delivery.  Now, am I just being paranoid, hormonal? I guess it will be a game-time decision.  It is possible that both will not be viable.  We will find out when the doc gives us the fertility report after the retrieval. 
Finally, yes Joe is still alive and hasn't left me yet....  He is a trooper!!!  YAY Joe!!!!

11/5/10

Ok, OVER the meds.  Can't sleep, feel like a basted turkey ready to pop.  Pior to this adventure (lack of better terms) I HAD lost approximagtely 28lbs...  The GOOD way, eating right, working out, none of the crap that I adopted as a child/teenager regarding eating disorders.  I have gained all that back in bloating/water weight.  I guess that is one big issue and always has been with me.  Weight.  Actally, it has been an issue with my family since I can remember.  I guess that is why I struggle so much with the concept.  Not really sure what to think.  I see my family and either I look "healthy.... a.k.a. FAT) or like I have lost.  I guess I there isn't really a reason to love me for me.  I have had a lot of issues, who could blame me.  However, in this phase of my life, it is a good thing.  And, yes, almost all 28lbs is back.  It is not forever, it is bloating from the endless shots.
This whole process has taken quite the toll, not just on me, but on my loving wonderful husband.  For the LOVE, he has to put up with me.  And he is doing so well I swear the man is up for saint-hood.
I was a little put "A-back" by today.  Dr's appt and the follicles, then dentist appt and the fact that (Yes, LISA) my dentist sucked, remember flying teeth???  There maybe a repeat of dental entertainment...  Bet I can hit another client with a flying tooth!!!
We are trying to keep in mind, I have been doing everything that is expected and it only takes one fertilized "egg" to make a baby.  I guess that brings me to another point...  There are currently 3 viable, so we discussed implanting two.  I know that is a decision to make at the time, however, one very important to consider.  My saving grace, my mother.  She will be here for the initial and secondary outcome.  Thank you mom!!!
Well, regardless of the meds, I must try to sleep as the next dose comes soon.  If you would like to secure an investment, try the small circular bandaids as my stomach is currently COVERED in them.  Beach-Babe of the month????  HA!  Not so much!
Love to all!!!!  Please keep us, Joe, I and Quiz-pi-upen-que in your thoughts!!!  (That would be Joe's pick for baby names"....  BaHaHaHaHa!!!!  I love my husband!!!

11/4/10

Monday and today we had an ultrasounds to determine how many and how large my follicles were.  Unfortunately, there are only probably 2-viable ones.  But it only takes one to make a baby.  Still more meds (yes, I am completely CRAZY) for 3 more days.  Saturday, another ultrasound.  I know its the meds that are making me crazy, it is difficult to keep that in my mind when I am feeling on the verge of the edge.  I knew this would take a toll, and I am glad that we waited till I was of sound mind and body.

10/23/10

WOW.  Am I still married??  The meds have gone to my head, I feel like a crazy woman!!  Except when I talk to my mom or my Lisa.  I wouldn't make it without either one of them.  Last night was rough, and admist my madness I called mom and it was all ok.  I actually laughed??  Oh Mom where are you now????  This 3 hour time difference SUCKS.  And Lisa?????  My best friend, my sister, my sweet!!!!  I MISS YOU!!!! The days are counting down for round one.  I am fully aware that this may not work for the first time, prepared for the 2nd and 3rd.  I believe a baby grows not only inside you but more importantly in your heart.  Well, the next phase officially starts tomorrow, shots, pills, and supp..... need I say more?  Whilst I am feeling so emotional, love to my family, I know we have had hard times, I have been difficult, however you all mean the world to me, Auntie Jan, you especially.  Love you.

10/21/10

Ok.  So much for losing almost 30lbs.  I now feel like a bloated pin cushion.  Crampy, emotional, sick to my stomach and can't sleep.  Wow, this is fun!!  Men get the easy part.  Blah!!  I just keep thinking of the potential outcome.  We have a notebook that we have been using for all the doctor appointments, also to document emotions, and letters to our future child.  Both of us have been writing.  I have read and re-read what Joe has written and it brings tears to my eyes.  I truly have a wonderful, caring husband.

10/19/10

Meds came today, wow, how confusing!!  There are so many different names that I can't even believe are in the English language!!  LOL!  And, I managed to figure it out and do the shot myself.  YAY! 

Last night was filled with strange dreams and I swear I woke up every hour on the hour.  I am guessing it is normal to be excited and nervous.  Joe and I have been discussing life and plans, which I am sure will lead to more sleepless nights.  I know that we don't have a whole lot, but we have each other.  According to the doctors, due to my age and the issues that my body has been through, we had to proceed now if we wanted to try for a biological child.  That really hit me in several ways, I'm Old?  However, that really isn't the issue, woman older then me go through IVF all the time.  It is just my body.  So, here we are...  : )

10/18/10

Today we met with the wonderful nurses and doctor at the SHER Institute.  We have met with them in the past couple months and it is finally time to start the IVF process.  Blood work and urine samples for both Joe and I and (yet another) ultrasound.  We recieved our schedule from our nurse, Amy, and begin the meds tomorrow.  Joe and I have been so through very much in our 10 years together, including miscarriages, etopic pregnancies, etc.  IVF treatments have come so far since we tried approximately 10 years ago.  The SHER Institute is absolutely wonderful and so knowledgeable.  (http://www.haveababy.com/)  There is no guarantee that the proceeddure will work but we are very hopeful.  We are ready to try up to three times, fully aware that if it does not work for us that there is a baby out there that may not be growing inside me but in our hearts.
My goal with this blog (I've never done one before...) is to further document the process, emotions, joy and possibly pain of our journey.  Maybe it will give others hope and keep family/friends updated.  Please feel free to comment and add questions, send prayers, love, and your stories.  Love to all!!